Today I did a self evaluation about my actions as of late. The results were disheartening. I’ve been lying more, haven’t been doing my homework, making more and more excuses, and just generally letting myself down. Because at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what my family or my friends think about me. It comes down to what I think of myself. Do I look in the mirror and see someone to be proud of? Or someone who hasn’t risen to her potential?
Today, I was the latter. Every night I promise to be better, to make a change, to stop procrastinating and get my act together. But every morning my body refuses to rise, to begin to start fresh. And every morning, I fail to reform myself. Instead, choosing to live my life as I had the past day.
That needs to stop. I’m sick of being the one that people can’t count on to have the work done. I want to go back to being the one that everyone came to asking about homework. Now, I’m just as confused as the rest of them. I blend in. But valedictorians don’t blend in. They don’t fail tests or have missing assignments. My goal, since I can remember, was to be like my siblings and be valedictorian of my class. Now, four months from the finish line, I’m stumbling and getting turned around.
Yes, being #1 isn’t life or death. But it’s important to me. I value my brain and want to see myself do incredible things. But I can’t do that from my couch while watching ABC Family. And I can’t just say that I’m going to change overnight. I have to take baby steps toward a bigger goal.
Tomorrow is a new day. It’s a fresh slate and I will make the most of it. It’s important that I remember that any step is progress, even if it’s not as big as I want. I can do this. There’s no doubt about it. The question is, “Will I?” And I will forever shout “YES!” until no other word remains.