I’ve been thinking a lot lately about relationships. My brother just recently got engaged and I bought my bridesmaid dress yesterday. I love his fiancé and am super happy for them. But it got me thinking… What am I going to do about my love life or lack there of? I’ve always taken the idea of sitting back and waiting for the relationship to come to you. Consequently, I’ve had some bad experiences. My elementary school years were filling with poorly chosen crushes. Middle school wasn’t much better. I dated one boy (twice) and had more crushes than I care to admit. Things didn’t really turn around for me in high school. My only boyfriend cheated on me and my prom date last year, dropped me faster than a hot potato.
I want this year to be different. I want a guy that I like, mind, body, and all. But the selection at my high school is limited. Most decent guys are taken and the others don’t meet my standards. Dave is really the only guy I could see myself with but the thing is, I find it harder and harder to picture us together. I’m a nerd. He’s a jock. My definition of a good night is a good book. His is a good game.
I think as I get older, I realize how unlikely the pair up is. My friends try to claim that he and I would look cute together. But we are both so shy and awkward that nothing is ever going to happen, even if he liked me.
Somedays, I can fool myself into thinking that he thinks of me as more than a classmate. I mean, why else wouldn’t he follow me back on Twitter? (or maybe he thinks I’m creepy…) But when he does talk to me, I play it super cool, protecting my heart and sanity. And in the process, hurting myself even more.
For once, I need to take a gamble on more than my homework. I need to put myself out there. If things don’t work out, then I know it will be because of a lack of connection, not because I didn’t give it a shot. This year could be my year if I just try. Besides, what’s a couple months of awkward class periods if I fail?