A Good Shoulder

All week (and yes, I do realize it’s only Tuesday), my friends and I have complained about our classes. How much we hate them, the coursework, and the little amount of sleep that we get. Tonight there was some confusion over AP Spanish homework which led to a lot of Why did I take this class? and Uh! This stinks! and best of all, That’s it, I’m dropping out of school. Now just remember that this is the second full week of school! And since I was already traveled down memory lane earlier, I figured I could do it one more time.

Most of the time, I’m the one that people come to consoling. Last year it was nice to have someone who was there for me. This is the same guy that one day, just stopped talking to me. But when we were talking, it was one of the happiest times. Every night, I would complain about having to do my math homework and he would tell me to chug on, sometimes he would even bring me a milkshake as a reward. It was nice to hear that I could do it from someone who truely believed it and wasn’t just conditioned to say that. This year will make me stronger and I will be better for it. I just have to survive it. Right now, I’m taking it one day at a time and learning to rely on myself for good self-talk instead of someone else. I know that I can do this. I mean, I used to not be able to stand people reading my writing and now I have a blog that I post things on that I don’t even talk about. This is my safe haven.

Well I’m keeping it short tonight. It might help my stress level if I actually did my homework before midnight. Then again, what’s life without a little stress? Seriously… I don’t know.

Good night, fellow procrastinators!

“The possibilities are numerous once we decide to act and not react.” -George Bernard Shaw

Why Oh Why?

WARNING: If you are a family member, close this window right now. Do not continue on! If you do, you will have to deal with a very, very unhappy teenage girl!

Now down to business. I had a blast from the past today. My best friend turned stranger came to my soccer game tonight. Some of you will know who I am talking about. He didn’t come for me, heavens no! One of his buddies has a girlfriend on the team and a couple of my friends still are friends with him. It’s been a while since I’ve felt what I felt today. The pain and anger and hurt came rushing back. To make it better, I sat on the bench most of the game only to go in as forward in the last 5 mins. He couldn’t have picked a worse game to go to.
I wish he didn’t have this power over me. I wish that him appearing wouldn’t make me all antsy and uncomfortable. And worst of all, I wish that we were still friends. I know, I know. You aren’t supposed to go back to a guy that hurts you but he was one of the most amazing guys I had ever been friends with. He could make me laugh and relax at some of my most stressed moments. I felt like myself when I was around him. Then all of a sudden, I lost him. And I blame myself for it every time I think about it. I made a promise to myself this summer, after I found out why he had walked away, that I wouldn’t speak about him again. I even asked one of our mutual friends to not talk about him. Obviously I broke that today but I figured, if I was going to rip myself up, might as well do it right. That’s why I’m telling you guys about it. It’s hard for me go near the subject without attempting to punch something. On the drive home from the game, I slapped my steering wheel. He just does that to me. Thankfully, he’s graduated and supposed to be at college but obviously not at this moment.
Well I think that’s enough ranting for tonight. Hopefully I’ve gotten it out of my system and I can focus on my homework but somehow I doubt it. How can one person mean so much to you after they’ve hurt you? I don’t know but if you have any ideas, feel free to let me know!

“The question to everyone’s answer is usually asked from within.” -Steve Miller

The Dreaded Summer Reading

I wrote this last night but I couldn’t post it because I didn’t have internet. Better late than never…

The death of all relaxation, SUMMER READING. The main word that seems to stick out to my parents is the summer part. Here I am, after 8 days of school, without my summer homework completely done. Yeah, yeah. It sounds bad but I was so busy this summer, I just wanted to enjoy it. And to be honest, I would probably do it all over again. I had a fantastic summer and let’s face, these books are a drag. This “summer” I was forced to read How to Read Literature Like a Professor, Lord of the Flies, Brave New World, and one book of my choice off a specific list. Most of these books are about people dying and societies and civilizations falling apart. I am supposed to be reading Brave New World right now. I have never had this much trouble starting a book. Basically, I end up staring at the first page wondering how someone could think of this sorta stuff. I actually gave myself a headache trying to think of ways that I could get away with not reading it yet not feeling a ridiculous amount of guilt. I tried to not read the last fifty pages of Lord of the Flies and I couldn’t do it. I made it less than 24 hours before I just sat down and read it. It actually wasn’t too bad. It’s a different story when I can’t even start the book. This is so frustrating. I can read a 400 page book in less than 48 hours but I can’t read 260 pages in a weekend. I know that it’s all in my head, which almost makes it harder. It’s the book’s lack of appeal to me. If I don’t wanna read it, it can take me hours to skim what would normally take me 30 mins. I know that I just have to buckle down and read it. Who knows? Maybe I will actually like it. I doubt it but maybe… Or… maybe I’ll procrastinate a little longer a brush up on my Spanish… Or Friends… Or go to sleep… I like sleep… Zzzzzzz….

“For success, attitude is equally as important as ability.” -Harry F. Banks

These Are the Moments

Imagine a group of girls being denying frozen yogurt… Scary thought, right? Thankfully that wasn’t the case tonight. After fighting major soccer traffic, we safely arrived at YOYOs.

I was hesitant about going out tonight. I considered multiple different excuses and had a free pass to stay home from my mom but I chose to venture out. Boy am I glad that I did! Tonight may have been one of the best night of high school so far, definitely the best of senior year. I have never felt less self conscious and more like myself than I did tonight. It was eventful from beginning to end. From Janelle hitting Audrey’s car while still in the driveway to ranking the men’s soccer team by cutest to a frantic trip for frozen yogurty goodness.

Tonight has made me thankful for all of my friends. They may be a little crazy at sometimes but they make life enjoyable. I hope that I never forget about tonight.

“You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.” -Collette

It’s a Hard Knock Life

“When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'” -Sydney Harris

I’m shaking things up today by starting with a quote instead of ending with one. As with almost all my quotes, I got this one of Twitter and it really spoke to me. Who’s to say life has to be hard? Yes, there can be some hard moments, times when you wanna give up but you have to plow through to get to the sunny sky. And sometimes that sunny sky takes years to reach. If you can keep a positive tone and spirit to you life, you will emerge into the sunshine a better person with the hard times behind you.

I heard on the news this morning about a bookkeeper who talked a school shooter into giving himself up, saving who knows how many lives. During the time when it’s only her, the shooter and the 911 operator, she sounds so calm, as if its just another day but the second the police have the man, she breaks down. Was that a hard moment in her life? Most definitely. But will it make her whole life hard? Hopefully not, she should be consider the definition of a hero. Someone ordinary who does something extraordinary.

I believe that as long as there good people in this world, it will never be completely bad, evil will never truly win. So I think that everyone of us should strive to be the good in the world in any and every way we can.

Losing is hard

I hate to be around my team after we lose. I know it sounds bad but it’s true. Everyone is beating themselves up about the littlest things. As someone who watched the game as a spectator, my team did fantastic tonight. For once, we played like a team, not just a bunch of individuals with the same jersey on. We fought hard. Could we have done better? Yeah probably. Did it stink to start our season off with a loss? Yes but if we continue to improve on how we played tonight, we might stand a chance this year. So was seeing girls come off the field crying because they failed to be perfect frustrating? Heck, yes. I know that those girls poured their heart and soul into the game, along with a little elbow… We won’t win every time so we have to learn that if every loss is viewed as a lesson it’s never a failure. I’m excited to see where this year takes us. I have high hopes for this incredible group of girls.

FYI, I did play a little chunk of Varsity. I’m on the Varsity roster!! And we lost 1-2 with two minutes left.

“Coming together is a beginning, staying together is progress, and working together is success.” -Henry Ford

Time’s a funny thing

One day you realize that you’re running out of time. Suddenly, that 60 or 70 years you have left seems so little. You think that you don’t have even half the amount of time you need to do what you had planned. But really, time is all about perspective. Just think of Steve Jobs. He died prematurely yet he was able to create a company and a legacy that will continue for years to come. It’s all about how you use the time you’ve been given. I understand that I can’t really harp too much about this, being the poor time manager that I am, but that’s what makes it so important to me. Using every day, every moment, every second wisely is what makes a incredible life. That doesn’t mean that you have to be going non stop all the time but you have to make sure that what you are doing is worth the time that you are exchanging for it.

My first regular season soccer game of my senior year is tomorrow. In two months, I’ll be turning in my jersey for the last time. I will be spending my last moments on the soccer field with my team. My how time flies. For now, I’ll cherish every moment I get, even if some of them make me cringe or want to beat someone with a bat. They are the things that will litter my high school years. Someday, I’ll be able to look back and think, Weren’t those days nice?

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” -Robert Brault